» PEUGEOT = Probeer Eens Uw Geluk En Ondervind Trammelant

» FIAT = Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

» KIA = Kills In Accidents

» RENAULT = Rampspoed En Narigheid Achtervolgen U Lange Tijd

» AUDI = Automobile Under Demonic Influence

» They say the key to dieting is moderation so I'm only dieting for 5 to 10 minutes a day

» A morning without coffee is like sleep.

» Sometimes I do worry about my memory but then I forget about it.

» FORD = Found On Road Dead

» Wie een kuil graaft voor een ander, is in elk geval geen egoïst.

» VOLVO = Volgende Onderdeel Ligt Verder Op

» Het was mijn bedoeling slapend rijk te worden maar ik kon de slaap niet vatten

» If you get angry, take deep breaths, count to 100, and then slowly unclench your hands from around the person's neck.

» Take your time pedestrians we're not dreaming of mowing you all down at all

» Talk to the hand. The hand is my legal representative.

» Most people don't believe in the power of invisibility, unless they are driving and have to pick their nose.

» If you don't make a good first impression make sure you ask for a second opinion

» Never trust any woman who says she never cries or is hung like a horse.

» We can all tell when your sweatshirt is lying about where you went to college.

» I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious.

» When friends ask you to help them pack, break the first few things you touch. Then sit back and drink beer all afternoon.

» Hey, ik hou ook van katten en honden. Laten we recepten uitwisselen.

» BMW = Brutal Money Waster

» My To-Do list is filed under fiction.

» I don't disparage people who are bad at counting because I'm three of them.

» JAVA = Just Another Vulnerability Announcement

» Sometimes you have to choose between having roots or having wings.

» Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

» If life gives you lemons, just imagine how crappy the gift from death's gonna be.

» HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE WILDERNESS: Call someone and have them come pick you up.

» I haven't exaggerated in over 370 years.

» IKEA exitst just so we can tell our grandkids that back in the day, we had to make all our own furniture.

» Kids are a great reminder that work isn't really so bad.

» If you're spontaneous, fearless and adventurous, go home, you're drunk.

» Denk aan de armen, het kost niets.

» You don't notice when you're dead, it's others who suffer by it. The same applies to being stupid.

» I always have a mouth full of water in case you say something outrageous.

» Out of sight out of mind doesn't work on bills.

» There are things I want to do before I die, like watch someone bungee jump and pretend to speak another language fluently.

» Whenever you can't think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I've been thinking about killing you."

» Als je ouder wordt, wordt alles slechter. Behalve het vergeten, dat wordt beter.

» I don't get headaches. I give them.

» I always try to watch what I eat. Otherwise, I'll miss my mouth and make a mess.

» Pregnancy tests should just read "pregnant" or "nope just fat"

» The truth about 9/11: it equals 0.81818182

» Apologizing is the sincerest form of sarcasm.

» Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.

» Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

» I learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

» I wish I had more curiosity. I hear it kills cats.

» Everything is fine until you stop and think.

» Give me vagueness or give me some other thing.

» Before you criticize people, take a long hard look in the mirror in case you have food in your teeth.

» Voorkom een kater, blijf dronken

» When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

» If they worked, nobody would own more than one self-help book.

» Rain is proof that the ocean has wings.

» Top ten reasons to seek professional help: 1) Taking life advice from top ten lists

» I killed my twin because he woudn't admit he was the evil one.

» My short-term memory is terrible, but not nearly as bad as my short-term memory.

» I don't believe in hitting a child while other people are watching

» Getting married before you're thirty is like going into battle with a rolled up newspaper

» Be sure to double check your grammar when you make fun of people.

» Before eating at a Michelin star restaurant, I check out what the other big tire companies think.

» A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks : can I join you?

» Cruise ship safety tip: In an emergency, IMMEDIATELY put on a life vest before you die.

» I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.

» People are the worst, but not the imaginary ones. You guys are cool.

» Waiter sorry please cancel my order I didn't realize my phone gets no service here

» Umbrellas are a great way to stay dry from the nipples up.

» Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?

» If you're gonna keep asking me stupid questions I'll just go alien hunting by myself.

» Instead of thinking outside the box, get rid of the box.

» Appear thinner by wearing all black and losing weight.

» Driving Tip: Don't drive off a cliff unless you are doing it on purpose.

» Belgium should be called "So You Think You Can France."

» Okay, guys, raise your hand if you're impotent. *...* What? You can't get your arms up either?

» I think, therefore I'm confused

» Just be yourself until your self is dead.

» Global warming is even worse for people who own awesome sweaters.

» With great power comes great psychosis.

» You ran a half-marathon? Wow! Half congratulations!

» An apple a day doesn't compare to coffee.

» Fog is just lazy clouds.

» BMW = Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

» FIAT = Fix It Again Tony